Music Explains What Words Can't
by xoxoMoonyMindxoxo
Summary: Just a bunch of drabbles and one-shots about Morgan and Reid. It is slash so if you don't like that don't read it. The mature chapters are marked at the beginning. Enjoy!
1. Arms by Christina Perri

**Authors Note: Please do not flame. I don't mind constructive criticism, but I do not appreciate flames. **

**Warnings: This is Morgan/Reid Slash. If you don't like it, leave now. It isn't anything graphic, but does imply sexual contact. Also, this is not beta'd I did read over it but there may be grammar mistakes that I missed. **

**Please enjoy! **

**I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart**

**But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start**

Derek Morgan was a ladies man. He was the one that every girl would fawn over. Hell, even some guys went after him. I never imagined that he would actually be interested in guys. Even if he was, I'd imagine him to like guys as good looking as him, tall, muscular, confident men; not geeky, awkward, skinny, genius's. He proved me wrong though. I remember that day clearly.

Derek walked in to the office looking as good as ever. I was getting coffee in the break room when he came in with a smile on his face. He came up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. I was trapped between him and the counter. I turned my head to look at him. Confusion graced my face and I wasn't sure what he was going to do. He looked at me and said one sentence that took the breath right out of me.

"Will you go on a date with me tonight?"

I looked at him with confusion and then slight anger. It was a joke. He was playing with my feelings. He must have figured out that I liked him and he decided to have fun with it.

"Pretty Boy are you gonna answer me?"

"I, how could you. You figured out that I liked you, but instead of just telling me you don't like me, you tease me. Make me think that I actually stand a chance and then laugh about it when you finally shoot me down," I fumed.

"Whoa, whoa, Spencer, slow down. You know I would never do that to you. You know that even though I tease you I would never take it that far, ever. Pretty Boy I really like you, and I really want to take you out on a date. If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have asked," he defended.

"You're serious?" I questioned stunned.

"Yes. I am completely serious. I wouldn't lie to you. So will you go on that date with me?" he offered again. I couldn't say no, not that I wanted to.

"Yes. I would love to," I accepted.

**You put your arms around me**

**And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go**

**You put your arms around me and I'm home**

It had been a year since that night and he hand't left my side since then. Even through the hard times he was there. When the nightmares came, he held me. He'd encircle me in and whisper sweet words into my ear, telling me that everything would be okay. When the drug cravings came back he stood by me and helped talk me through all of them. It would have been so easy for him to walk away. So easy for him to give up on me and he didn't. He stayed. Whenever I laid down in bed with him, my head on his chest, his arms wrapped tight around me, I felt at home. For the first time in a long time, I felt at home.

**How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?**

**I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown**

My insecurities reared their ugly heads more times then I would like to admit. I didn't want to tell Derek incase he thought I was being stupid, or worse he agreed with me. So many times I contemplated ending it. He deserved so much more than me. He deserves someone so much better than me. After a while it became too much. It was too overwhelming. Derek came home late and my insecurities got the better of me.

"I can't do this anymore,"

"What? Baby what are you talking about?" he asked me.

"I don't want to do this anymore Derek. I'll come by and get my stuff tomorrow. I don't want to deal with it now. I just can't do this," I told him. I walked past him and was out the door before he could say anything. I got in my car and drove back to my apartment. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. I pulled into my driveway and put the car in park. I set my head on the steering wheel and laid it there for a few minutes before walking to my house.

It was so empty that it didn't even feel like mine. Most of my stuff was at Derek's. My clothes, minus a few pairs, my bath stuff, minus an extra toothbrush and cheap shampoo and conditioner, even my pictures. I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands. I just left the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I couldn't do this to him. I couldn't let him stay with me when I was obviously not good enough for him. A knock at the door brought me out of my thoughts. I got up and answered the door. There stood Derek, tears in his eyes, and a look of confusion.

"Can I come in?" he asked. I couldn't say no to him. I just couldn't reject his request. I opened the door wider and then shuffled into my apartment. I sat down and after closing the door he sat on the coffee table in front of me.

"You want to tell me why you're ending this out of the blue? Baby if I did something to upset I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you," he confessed. I could feel tears forming.

"You deserve better than me. You, you're amazing, you're caring, you're loving, you're strong both mentally and physically, you're protective, you're trustworthy, you're everything anyone could ever want and you deserve the best. That isn't me. Derek I'm weak, mentally and physically. I'm awkward and geeky, and I say all the wrong things at the wrong time. I ramble about statistics and things that no one really cares about. I don't do well at giving comfort, even though I mean to, it never comes out right. I just want you to have the best, and that isn't me," I sobbed to him.

I couldn't look him in the eyes, so instead I focused on a spot of carpet. I felt his fingers lift my chin up to look at him.

"Baby Boy stop right there. That's why you ended it, because you didn't think you were good enough? You are so far from the truth that it hurts love. You are beautiful, and yes you are awkward but it's adorable. I love listening to rant about statistics, even if I don't have to know all the things you tell me. Baby you may not give comfort the way everyone else does, but you do a damn good job of making me feel better when things get hard. I love you Spencer. You are beautiful, and kind, and caring, and you are the bravest person I've ever met. You put yourself last, and everyone else first. You have the biggest heart I've ever seen and I love you," he explained. I looked at him with tears in my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I told him dejectedly.

"Don't be love. Just next time you feel like this talk to me. Now are you ready to go home?" he asked. I nodded and leaned my head on his shoulder.

**I hope that you see right through my walls**

**I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling**

**I'll never let a love get so close**

**You put your arms around me and I'm home**

I wasn't used to relying on anyone. It was always me taking care of myself. I put up the front that I don't need anyone and that I can do everything by myself, and I can. I just prefer having someone there to help.

I grew up all alone and not having anyone there. When my dad left I had to fend for myself and my mom. I had to deal with the bullies and I couldn't do anything to stop that. I didn't have a choice. Now it was just in my instincts to shut people out and do it on my own.

Once I started dating Derek he slowly broke them all down. Every time I threw a wall at him he knocked it down. He was careful and he didn't push me, but he proved time and time again that he was here.

I never let anyone close to me after my father left. My mother was never lucid enough to be there and after that I couldn't handle letting people in. Gideon changed that and he made me trust him and love him like a father figure, then he left. Elle made me feel like she was my sister, and she left too. Derek knew that and every time I got scared that he was going to leave, he put his arms around me and reminded me that I was his, I was safe, and he wasn't leaving.

**The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved**

**I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone**

So many times I wanted to leave for him. After the Hankle case, during my drug addiction, after Gideon left, after Elle left, after the anthrax attack, and after I got shot. I didn't want him to have to deal with all of my problems. I didn't want him to have to take care of me. I felt like he deserved better than that.

It's not that I want him to leave, because really that is the last thing I want, but I can't help but feel like he should have better. I love him with everything I have but it isn't fair for me to do this to him.

**You put your arms around me**

**And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go...**

The first time I told him that I thought he deserved better he laughed. I told him that he should find someone else because I had to many problems and he shouldn't have to deal with it. He pulled my chin up to make me look at him. He told me that no matter what happened, no matter how many problems I had, he wasn't leaving. He told me how much he loved me and how he would never leave. He then wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him, making me feel more loved than anyone ever could.

**I hope that you see right through my walls**

**I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling**

**I'll never let a love get so close**

**You put your arms around me and I'm home**

Whenever I would even start to close in on myself Derek stopped me. After a while he had finally broken down all my walls and he wouldn't let me put any back up. I told him that I was afraid that he wouldn't love me back and that's why I never said anything to him. He looked at me and grinned.

He spent the rest of the night showing me just how much he loved me. Every single part of me. I never let love get close to me but there was no denying that he was an exception. I let him in and let him get close enough to make me vulnerable. When we were finished he pulled me down to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around me and whispered in my ear, "I love you baby boy."

**I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth**

**And I've never opened up**

**I've never truly loved 'til you put your arms around me**

**And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go**

During the beginning of our relationship I never want him to see my insecurities. I hid them for the first 6 months of our relationship. I didn't let him know that I was scared he would leave, or that I didn't think I was good enough. I didn't let him in and I didn't open up to my past or all the awful things that happened to me, or how scared I was of getting schizophrenia. I didn't tell him all the awful things the bullies did to me, or that I still thought about the football field incident every time we had a case with bullied kids.

I had never really loved anyone other than my mother before Derek. That night when I was having drug cravings and he pulled me to him and held me securely, keeping me grounded, was the first time I ever thought about telling him I loved him. He held me and reminded me of all the good things I had. Even though it would be easier to walk away, he stayed and kept me as close to him as he could. Before falling asleep I heard him whisper that he loved me. It took all I had not to whisper it back.

**I hope that you see right through my walls**

**I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling**

**I'll never let a love get so close**

**You put your arms around me and I'm home**

After getting home from the Cyrus case I shut down. I was upset that Emily could have gotten killed because of me. I was angry that I couldn't save the girl that was in love with Cyrus. Morgan was worried sick about me and I was scared he was going to leave. He kept asking me to talk and I couldn't tell him how I felt. Instead I lashed out.

"Leave. Just leave Morgan! You don't want to know what I'm feeling, and if you find out you'll be mad and leave anyway, so go," I yelled. He looked a taken back and put his hands up.

"Spencer I want to know what you're thinking. Let me in baby. I'm not going anywhere," he swore. God, I wanted to believe him.

"Yes you will. You'll leave because I won't tell you or you'll leave because of what I'll tell you," I shot.

"No I won't. If you don't tell me I'll stay here and wait until you do, and if you tell me something I don't like, I will talk to you and tell you why and not go anywhere," he argued.

"Fine! I wish it would have been me. I wish I would have stood up and said something. I wish I wouldn't have froze up and let Emily get hurt. I wish that when that gun was pointed at me I wouldn't have seen Hankle's face staring me down. I was so scared and all I could think of was being in that shack and being told to choice one of you to die," I told him. By the end I had tears falling. I tried desperately to stop them as I waited for Derek to leave.

Instead he came up to me, but his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

"Baby I know. I know you were scared and I'm sorry you had to go through that, but that is exactly Emily did it. She didn't want you to hurt anymore," Derek explained. I laid my head on his shoulder and he held me close.

He pulled me into the bedroom and undressed the two of us for bed. He laid down and pulled me next to him. Clooney jumped up on the bed with me and Derek, laying at our feet. For the first time in so many years I felt at safe. This right here, wrapped in Derek's arms, Clooney laying at my feet, was home.

**You put your arms around me and I'm home**


	2. Glad You Came by The Wanted

**AU: Since I had a good response to my first chapter, I decided to make this a multi-chapter. None of the fics are related unless I announce it first. Please rate and review!**

**Warnings: This is slash and it is also a sex scene. If you don't like that, don't read it. Please don't flame. Please keep in mind this is my first one.**

**The sun goes down**

**The stars come out**

**And all that counts**

**Is here and now**

**My universe will never be the same**

**I'm glad you came**

**I'm glad you came **

The stars were just coming out when we arrived at the club. The whole team was going for some "bonding" time. Honestly, we were just all each other had minus our separate families.

The atmosphere was hot and heavy. The people on the dance floor were so close you couldn't tell that they were different people. They looked like one mass person. Hotch and Prentiss were sitting at the table with JJ and Rossi next to them. Babygirl was in the throng of people dancing and Reid was sitting next to Hotch looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here. Looking at him made my head spin. He was gorgeous, and he didn't even know it. I sat between Rossi and Prentiss finishing off my first drink of the night.

**You cast a spell on me, spell on me**

**You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me**

**And I decided you look well on me, well on me**

**So let's go somewhere no-one else can see, you and me**

Every time Reid opened his mouth my heart jumped. I tried to concentrate on what he was saying but all I could think about was what it would be like to kiss him. When he moved his hands, I thought about how those hands would feel on my body. I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to do something or I would go insane. Hotch gave me a look that said get on with it already. I stood up and looked to the resident genius.

"Pretty boy, come get a drink with me?" I asked him. He looked up and gave a small shrugged.

"Uh, yeah, sure thing," he accepted flustered.

**Turn the lights out now**

**Now I'll take you by the hand**

**Hand you another drink**

**Drink it if you can**

As we walked through the crowds people kept getting in between us. I grabbed Spencer's hand he looked at me with confusion but made no move to pull away. I dragged him to the bar and sat down pulling him into the seat next to me.

"What can I get you two?" the women asked, leaning over so her breasts stuck out.

"Two rum and cokes please," I ordered. Spencer nodded in conformation.

"What's going on Morgan? Why did you ask me to come with you?" Reid asked.

"I like your company," I offered.

"As flattering as that is, what's the real reason?" he inquired. Damn profilers, seeing through lies.

"I wanted to ask you something, but I'm not sure how," I answered.

"Derek you know that you can tell me anything," he assured. My heart skipped when he called me Derek. Our drinks came and I handed the lady money for them both before he could protest.

"I like you Spencer. I like you more than a friend and I have for a while now," I confessed quickly. He looked stunned, and then his face split into a grin.

"That's what you were worried about telling me? Derek I've liked you as more than a friend for over 3 years now. I just didn't think I stood a chance," he replied. I grinned and grabbed his hand.

"You had the best chance. Want to dance with me Pretty Boy?" I asked. He looked down.

"I can't dance," he whispered.

"I'll teach you," I promised.

**Can you spend a little time,**

**Time is slipping away,**

**Away from us so stay,**

**Stay with me I can make,**

**Make you glad you came**

I lead him the dance floor and pulled him in front of me. His back was to my chest and I could feel the heat radiating off of him. I put my hands on his hips and pushed them to one side moving mine with his. He gasped but moved his hips on his own in time with mine. For not being able to dance, he sure picked up fast.

"Pretty Boy you sure haven't danced before. I'd say you're doing a really good job," I complimented.

"I really haven't. But really dancing isn't that hard when all you have to do is sway. I just find it harder to do because I can't use facts or math to figure it out," Spencer admitted. I grinned and kissed the side of his neck. His short hair made it so much easier to see his long elegant neck. He hummed in contentment and all I want to do is take him home.

"You know it's getting kinda late," Spencer pointed out. He was right. It was after midnight. The rest of our team had already left.

"Come home with me tonight?" I asked. He turned to face me and bit his lip.

"We don't have to do anything but sleep Pretty Boy. It would just be better to go to my house and stay so we don't have to go both yours and mine," I clarified.

"That's not what worries me. I just don't want to the team to find out," Reid corrected.

"They already left Pretty Boy. They won't know anything," I argued, deciding not to tell him that Hotch knew and that the rest of the team was probably taking bets.

"Okay, that would be alright," he concluded. I grinned and took his hand, leading him out of the club and to my car.

**The sun goes down**

**The stars come out**

**And all that counts**

**Is here and now**

**My universe will never be the same**

**I'm glad you came**

**I'm glad you came**

The whole ride was filled with chattering about random things. He asked how my family was and I told him they were good. I asked about his mom, he replied with, she's as good as she can be. I held his hand the whole time. As we pulled into my driveway he took his hand back to unbuckle himself. As we walked up to the front door, he took my hand. I let us in and Clooney immediately ran to Spencer. The "Reid Effect" didn't exist here. After a few minutes of getting love, Clooney went and sat back down.

I dragged Spencer over to the couch and pulled him down next to me. I flipped the tv on and put the discovery channel on. Thank God we didn't have work tomorrow. I kept my arms around his shoulders and he snuggled closer to me. Something that surprised us both. I rested my head on top of his.

"I'm glad you came," I whispered to him.

"I'm glad I did too," he admitted.

**You cast a spell on me, spell on me**

**You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me**

**And I decided you look well on me, well on me**

**So let's go somewhere no-one else can see, you and me**

I noticed the way his hands fiddled around each other. I was distracted by the ideas of what his hands could really do. I shook my head of those thoughts as soon as my pants became tighter. He was the only person that could screw with my head like this. It's like he has a spell on me.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, he was a profiler, and he saw the lust that I had been trying to hide. Being a profiler myself, I caught the look of lust that matched mine. The discovery channel forgotten I put my lips on to his and within half a second they were dancing. He really wasn't as inexperienced as everyone claimed him to be.

I coaxed him closer until he was straddling my lap. I gasped when he brushed over my hard on, showing me that his matched. Our tongues battled for dominance and after a good fight mine won. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and explored all of it. Spencer's hands roamed over my chest and sides. He ground down and I moaned into his mouth. Who would have thought the kid was this experienced.

"Spence, if we don't stop now, I won't be able to," I warned him, giving him a way out.

"That's alright with me," he accepted calmly, before pushing his lips back to mine. My hands moved to the buttons on his shirt. I aimlessly unbuttoned them. His hands moved up my shirt and broke our kiss to lift it over my head. I finished the last button before pushing his off of his shoulders. He moved from my lips and kissed down my neck. I groaned as he sucked the dip next to my collarbone. His hands moved down to my nipples and I gasped as he twisted them in his fingers. He kissed down my chest and took on of my nipples in his mouth swirling his tongue around it. I ran my fingers through his short hair. He switched to the other nippled and I arched against him. I could feel him smirk against me and suck harder. I growled and pushed him back onto the couch.

I laid over him and brought my lips down to his as I affectively pinned him down. His breath picked up as I moved down his neck. He shifted it to one side so that I had better excess. I sucked on a particularly sensitive spot that wasn't going to be easy to cover. He groaned above me and thrust his hips up to get more friction. I held his hips down and hovered over him. He whined at the loss of contact and I smirked at him. I moved down to his nipples and took on in my mouth. I sucked and swirled my tongue as he moaned above me. I moved to the other one and he arched his back. It was stunning. I pushed down harder on his hips as he attempted to thrust up again. My smirk widened as he growled in frustration. My hands moved from his hips and danced around his waist line. I looked up at him for confirmation and he nodded.

Instead of taking his pants off I slipped my hands under his ass and lifted him up with me. He gasped in surprise and clung to my neck, wrapping his legs around me. I grinned and pulled his lips back in for a kiss. I moved down the familiar hallway and pushed open the door to my bedroom and kicked it shut behind us. I laid him down on the bed before crawling on top of him.

**Turn the lights out now**

**Now I'll take you by the hand**

**Hand you another drink**

**Drink it if you can**

**Can you spend a little time,**

**Time is slipping away,**

**Away from us so stay,**

**Stay with me I can make,**

**Make you glad you came**

I didn't bother turning on the lights, so it was still dark. My hands moved to his waist band and undid the button and moved the zipper down. He lifted his hips and allowed me to rip them off. His hands moved to my waist band and after my confirmation he took them off. I shucked off his underwear before taking mine off as well.

I took the time to sit back and drink in the sight of him. I looked him over with lust covered eyes. He was beautiful. His pale skin, thin but strong frame, his short hair, his long limbs, and the dips at his collarbone. He shifted his eyes and a blush appeared on his face. He moved to cover himself but I caught his arm.

"Don't do that. You're beautiful Pretty Boy," I corrected. He grinned sheepishly.

"You're pretty gorgeous yourself," he complimented. I smirked at him and released his arm.

I climbed over him and kissed him with more passion than I had ever kissed anyone before. His hands wandered down until they were firmly, but gently, around my dick. I groaned and looked at him in mild surprise. He smirked before slowly moving his hand. I placed my forehead on his shoulder and moaned. His hand moved faster and I couldn't stop the moans falling out of my mouth. Before I knew what was happening he pushed me over and climbed over me, taking control. I was surprised but not disappointed.

He moved down my body until his mouth was hovering over my dick. I gasped and threw my head back and he put his lips over my tip. His mouth was wet and warm and it took all I had not to thrust into his mouth. His tongue swirled around my slit and then he stabbed at it. I moaned more and I felt him grin. He used his other hand to fondle my balls. I placed my hands at the base of his neck, but put no pressure there. He hollowed out his cheeks before sucking hard. I moaned even louder. Before I knew it he had managed to deep throat me while still playing with my balls. Where he learned to do this, I wasn't sure, but it was sure as hell effective. I could feel my breath quickening and the familiar feeling I got before I came.

"Pretty Boy, I'm gonna, ah, gonna, uh, um, nahg, cum," I barely got out. He made no move to stop and that thought alone made me release into his waiting mouth. He swallowed every bit of it. After I finished he sat back and caught his breath.

"Damn baby. Where did you learn that" I questioned. He shrugged and I didn't push it. He moved to take care of his own erection and slapped his hand away.

"Nu uh. Let me take care of you baby," I demanded. I pulled him down to me before flipping us over so that I was on top.

**The sun goes down**

**The stars come out**

**And all that counts**

**Is here and now**

**My universe will never be the same**

**I'm glad you came**

**I'm glad you came**

I let one of my hands tease his erection while the other moved down his side. He moaned above me when I brushed my thumb over his tip. After a few more strokes he reached down and caught my hand. I looked at him confused but he shook his head.

"Don't tease. Just take me Derek," he ordered. My eyes widened and my cock twitched at the idea of pounding him into the mattress.

"You sure baby?" I asked him.

"Yes. I'm sure. I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't," he confirmed.

"Have you done this before?" I questioned. He shook his head and I realized what he was giving me.

"I've done it with girls. But never, well, I've never been penetrated," he admitted. I nodded.

"I'll go slow," I promised. He nodded.

"I trust you," he confessed. I could keep the grin off of my face. I leaned over him and opened the top drawer to pull out lube and a condom. He caught my hand and took the condom from me.

"You're clean?" he clarified. I nodded. He set the condom back on the night stand.

"Don't need it," he added. My breath caught in my throat at what he was implying. I nodded and kissed his forehead. I squirted a liberal amount of lube on to my fingers. I placed one at his opening and caught his eye.

"Stop me if you don't like something. Got me?" I ordered.

"Yeah," he obliged.

"This might feel kind of different. It'll probably hurt at first," I warned. He nodded. I slipped a finger in while my other hand braced the side of his head. He locked his eyes with mine. He scrunched his face up in an adorable look at the foreign feeling. I kept my finger still as he got used to it. After a few seconds he shifted his hips and moaned. I grinned before slowly moving my finger in and out.

After a few more times I slipped in a second one. He groaned as the muscles stretched. I held still until he shifted his hips. It didn't take him long. I scissored my fingers so that he was stretched properly. I slid in a third one and he threw his head back. I waited less than a second for him to move his hips down. He groaned as I hit a bundle of nerves with my fingers. I moved them in and out while scissoring them to make sure he was throughly stretched out. I took out my fingers and he whined at the loss of contact.

"Sh, let me take care of you Pretty Boy," I commanded. I added a generous amount of lube to my cock before lining up with his hole. I put both hands on the sides of his face and I laid over him, my eyes level with his. I slid in slowly and watched him close his eyes in discomfort. Once I was fully sheathed I waited. It took all my will power not to thrust into his incredibly tight heat. After a few seconds he opened his eyes and rolled his hips experimentally. He nodded his head and I slowly pulled out.

I pushed back into him never breaking eye contact. I groaned as I felt the heat around me. His moan matched mine. After a few slow thrusts I started moving faster. He threw his head back when I brushed his prostate. I switched angles so that I slammed into it dead center every time. His cried out during the next thrust. The next one his back arched, making me moaned at the sight of him. I picked up an even faster pace and he screamed in pleasure. I yelled out his name and felt myself slowly coming undone. I grabbed his cock and stroked it in time with my thrusts. His moans got louder and he thrusted his hips to meet mine. I cried out as he thrusted hard, pushing me deeper inside of him. I only got two more thrusts out before he came.

"Derek! Uhgg, nahg!"

Seeing him come undone threw me over the edge. I came only seconds later yelling his name a few obscurities.

"Spencer! God, damn, Fuck."

**I'm glad you came**

**So glad you came**

**I'm glad you came**

**I'm glad you came**

**The sun goes down**

**The stars come out**

**And all that counts**

**Is here and now**

**My universe will never be the same**

**I'm glad you came**

**I'm glad you came**

I collapsed on top of him, thanking the lord he wasn't as fragile as he looked. After coming down from our high I slipped out of him. Our breathing finally slowed to a normal pace. I laid down next to him and pulled him to my chest and wrapped the blankets around us. He curled in around me and slipped his arm over my waist.

"What are we Derek?" he asked. I thought about it. I didn't want him to be another one night stand.

"If you want to be, I would love for you to be my boy," I confessed. He looked up at me with sheer hope in his eyes.

"Really?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah I'd like that," he told me before snuggling back into my chest. I chuckled and kissed the top of his head.

"I'm glad you came Spence," I told him.

"I'm glad I did too," he acknowledged. We laid there in silence until he broke it.

"Hey Der?"

"Yeah Pretty Boy?" I asked.

"I love you," he declared. I pulled his chin up to meet my eyes. He had full sincerity in them.

"I love you too Baby Boy," I confessed before wrapping my arms tighter around him.

**AU: This ending was for the people who read the first chapter that didn't hear Spencer say I love you. I thought I'd put it in here.**


	3. The Moment I Said It by Imogen Heap

**The moment I said it  
>the moment I opened my mouth<br>lead in your eyelids  
>Bulldozed the life out of me<br>I know what you're thinking  
>But darling you're not thinking straight<br>Sadly things just happen... we can't... explain  
><strong>

We were fighting again. This was the third time in a week. They were stupid fights that never should have happened, and now we're at it again. I was sitting on the kitchen counter while Derek paced around me yelling. I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier.

"You don't trust me! You may trust me with your life in the field but when it comes to your emotions you don't tell me anything! You have so many secretes it makes my head spin! How can we be a couple when you can't tell me what's going on?" Derek accused.

"I keep secretes? Derek you don't tell me anything! You can't yell at me about not telling you everything when you don't talk to me either. You don't let me know how you're feeling and you don't let me into what secretes you keep!" I defended. I was standing in front of him now.

"I do tell you everything. I tell you what's going on. So I don't spill my heart out about all my emotions, if I was having migraines and had a chance of having schizophrenia, I would tell you!" he yelled. My heart sank and he had a look of regret within his eyes.

"Maybe we shouldn't be together. Not if we can't trust each other," I concluded quietly. His eyes went wide and then shut, and I felt worse than I ever had before.

**It's not even light out,  
>But you've somewhere to be - no hesitation<br>No I've never seen you like this  
>And I don't like it, I don't like it, I don't like it at all<br>**

Outside it was still dark. I could feel the tension in the room threatening to suffocate me. I shouldn't have said that, should never have suggested it, but if we don't trust each other, what's the point?

"Derek I-"

"I need to go. I've got stuff to do," he replied shortly. He walked around me and didn't give me a glance. I attempted to grab his arm and he yanked it back forcefully. I could feel tears welling up. He had never been this short. I didn't like the change. I didn't like it at all. He grabbed his keys and walked out.

**Just put back the car keys  
>or somebody's going to get hurt<br>who are you calling at this hour  
>sit down, come round , I need you now<br>we'll work it all out together  
>we're getting no where tonight<br>now sleep, I promise, it'll all seem better somehow  
>in time<br>**

"Please Derek. I didn't mean it like that. Please just put the keys back before one of us gets hurt," I pleaded.

"Who is gonna get hurt?" he asked.

"Me. Please don't leave," I begged. He pulled out his cell phone and started talking to someone. I put my head in my hands and I sat down.

"Bye," he hung up.

"Who are calling at 12 in the morning?" I asked.

"None of your damn business. It was Garcia for God's sake. You think I'm cheating too?" he accused.

"No! Not at all! I was just curious!" I defended. He scoffed.

"Please just come sit down. We can talk about this. Derek we can work through this. I need us to try to work through this," I pleaded again.

"No," he answered.

"Then lets go to bed. We'll work this out tomorrow. Give us some time to cool off," I suggested. He shook his head.

**It's not even light out  
>Suddenly, you've somewhere to be<br>No hesitation  
>mmm...I've never seen you like this<br>Your scaring me, You're scaring me,  
>Your scaring me to death<strong> 

"I have to go. I'm leaving," he finalized. Not even hesitating to think it through.

"Derek please," I begged standing in front of him.

"Move," he warned.

"Derek I don't want you to leave I want to fix this," I tried.

"Move or I will move you," he threatened. I looked up shocked and a fear spread through me.

"Please Derek," I requested. His eyes narrowed and he put his hands on either side of me. He pushed me, not hard but enough to move me, out of his way. I was shocked.

"Fine, leave. Be like everyone else," I called after him.

**Don't..oh, smash...please  
>Don't...oh...and another one<br>Don't...oh...and another one**

He whipped around and hit a vase to the ground. His eyes hard and angry.

"You're kidding? You just told me you don't trust me! You couldn't even tell me you were having headaches! Why are we in a relationship if you can't even trust me with something so simple?" he yelled. The first blow.

"It's not simple Derek! This is the age Schizophrenia shows through! I've been to every doctor in D.C. and not one says it's a physical problem. Chances are I am getting Schizophrenia! That's not simple! That's hell! Telling you makes it real!" I cursed.

"You should have told me! You just keep everyone at arms length. You can't let a single person in because you're afraid. You're afraid of being hurt that you won't even give people a chance! I have trusted you with everything and you don't trust me with anything! It's pathetic that fear eats you that much," Derek yelled. His words hurt worse than any slap would have. I could feel tears pricking my eyes and I fought like hell to keep them back. The last and final blow hurt more than any pain I've endured before.

**I'm losing you...I'm losing you**

He didn't spare me a glance as he slammed the door shut. I felt my head spinning. I lost him. He left. Left without so much a goodbye. I lost him because of my own fears.

**Trust me on this one  
>I've got a bad feeling<br>Trust me on this one  
>You're going to throw it all away<br>With no hesitation**

He wasn't coming back. He was gone for good. I had a gut feeling that told me he was done. I collapsed to my knees and sobbed. Sobbed for losing him, for being so scared, for being right. Everyone leaves in the end, but this one was my fault. Did that mean that the others left because of me too?

He threw everything away without even pausing to think about it. Does that mean he didn't care, or that he was so fed up that he couldn't care. I got up and packed my stuff. I took all that was mine and left all that was his.

I gathered my bags and made sure Clooney was let out and back in. Before I left, I set a note on his pillow after making the bed. I walked out the door without looking back.

Bye bye bye bye bye bye  
>bye bye bye bye bye<br>bye bye bye  
>bye<p>

Derek arrived home early in the morning. He all intended to apologize and try to fix things. He walked into the house expecting to find his lover curled up on his side of the bed with Clooney next to him. He walked in to find the house clean and empty of all that was Spencer's. He quickly moved to the bedroom to find nothing but his own things and a made bed. There was a note on it that had his name scribbled out. He opened the letter to read:

_Derek,_

_I am so sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you. I'm sorry for not letting you in._

_I wish you could understand how scary this is. Telling you meant that I might be crazy._

_I can't handle that knowledge. Telling you made it real. My fear got the better of me, and I'm sorry._

_I never meant to hurt you. _

_I'm sorry I pushed you away and that I couldn't always be open about my past._

_I'm sorry I couldn't open up._

_It wasn't because I didn't trust you._

_I did Derek. I do. I just don't want you to deal with my problems. _

_I don't want to rely on you and I wanted to prove that I could take care of myself._

_I am sorry for everything Derek. I'm sorry for hurting you._

_I love you still with all my heart, and that will never change._

_I decided leaving would be easier than facing you turn me away._

_Love Always,_

_Spencer Reid_

Tears pricked Derek eyes as he realized what walking away did. If he would have sat down and talk things out with him it wouldn't have ended like this. If he would have taken the time to let his lover explain, but he didn't. He walked away and he left the best thing in his world crying. Derek took his keys and slipped his shoes back on. Thanking the Lord they had tomorrow off, he got in his car and drove towards Spencer's apartment, because he still loved Spencer, and he'd be damned if this was goodbye. 


	4. Beside You by Marianas Trench

Authors Note: Sorry It's taken so long to update! Anyways, here's another chapter! Enjoy! Please don't flame! Review are appreciated!

Warnings: none

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, but the plot is mine! I don't own the song either.

Song: Beside You by Marianas Trench

**When your tears are spent on your last pretense  
>And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense.<br>When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles  
>And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while<br>**

JJ was taken away from us. Of all the things to happen, they had to take her away. They didn't understand how much this team, no this family needed her. Or maybe they did, and they just didn't care. I was so angry I could barely speak. I looked over to my Pretty Boy and saw him holding back tears as she gave him one last hug.

"They can't just take you away," he whimpered.

"I'll see you soon Spence. I promise. This isn't goodbye," JJ swore. Spencer nodded and finally let her go. I gave him a look that told him how sorry I was. I would have taken him in my arms right there, but Strauss was still here and we couldn't risk getting caught.

**If your heart wears thin I will hold you up  
>And I will hide you when it gets too much<br>I'll be right beside you  
>I'll be right beside you<br>**

We arrived back at my house around the same time. He had been staying there so much that he was almost moved in. It happened gradually but it felt right. I grabbed his hand as soon as he was out of the car. I felt his hand tighten around mine, as though I was going to leave too.

I could see the lines of tiredness in his face. He looked so emotionally drained, but I knew he wouldn't sleep. He never could when he was so upset.

When we got into the house he immediately latched on to me. I pulled him into a hug and let him sob. He hid his face in the crook of my neck and I could feel his tears run down to my chest.

"Sh, I got you Pretty Boy. I got you. I'm right here," I told him.

**When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath  
>When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless.<br>When you try to speak but you make no sound  
>And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud<br>**

Spencer's breath speed up and he seemed to have trouble breathing normally. He was working himself into panic.

"Baby Boy calm down. It's okay, everything will be alright," I promised. My genius seemed to listen to my words seeing as his breathing evened out.

"Derek they took her away. They, how could they, don't they understand? This wasn't supposed to happen. We aren't supposed to lose family members. No one else was supposed to go," he sobbed. I held him closer and wanted to punch every person that had left my little genius. His father, Gideon, Elle, the list goes on and on. I set my chin on top of his head.

"I, Derek I-"

He couldn't finish. I rubbed his back. I felt him grip the back of my shirt desperately.

"I know baby. I know it's hard and I know this wasn't supposed to happen. I know you don't want this and I know JJ doesn't either. Baby Boy none of us want this. You know JJ loves you, and she would never leave us willingly. She isn't abandoning you love. She's being forced," I reassured him gently.

**If your heart wears thin I will hold you up  
>And I will hide you when it gets too much<br>I'll be right beside you  
>I'll be right beside you<br>I will stay.  
>Nobody will break you,<br>Yeah.  
><strong>

I felt his sobs grow stronger and his knees started to collapse. I caught him before he could fall and brought him to the couch. I pulled him to my lap and put a hand to his head, holding him to my chest. He buried his head into my chest, as though hiding from all the painful things around him.

"I'll be right here baby. I promise you" I chanted

"Promise?" he whispered.

"I promise baby. I won't leave you and I will not let anything get you. I will be here for you. I won't let you fall in on yourself. I swear to you love. Nothing will break you while I'm here," I committed. I felt him kiss the side of my neck in a loving way. He started to pull back and he put his head down as though ashamed.

**Trust in me, trust in me.  
>Don't pull away<br>Trust in me, trust in me.  
>I'm just trying to keep this together,<br>Because I could do worse and you could do better  
><strong>

"No baby. Look at me. Don't you dare look ashamed for crying love. JJ is your best friend and like a sister to you, it's okay to cry," I reassured.

"No it's not. I know better than this. I know how to shut off my emotions and I know how to keep myself safe. I know how to keep people out and how to survive. I've broken every rule I've ever lived by and now I'm hurt again," he spoke quietly.

"Spencer Reid look at me. I am not going to let you do this to yourself. Don't shut off. Don't stop feeling, and don't close me out. Don't push me away love. I'm only trying to keep you together. I won't leave you. Even if everyone else has walked away, I won't leave. I will be here," I confirmed.

"Why? I'm not worth that," he argued. I felt my heart break at his insecurities. We had finally gotten past them and now they were back because of the damn Bureaucrats sending JJ away.

"Baby Boy I could do so much worse than you, and I could find no one better than you. You on the other hand could find someone better. You deserve the best Pretty Boy," I reasoned. He looked shocked then angry.

"How can you say that? There isn't anyone better for me than you!" he protested outraged.

"Exactly baby, and there is no one better for me than you. You don't know how much it kills me that you don't see yourself the way I do," I admitted. He looked down bashfully. I pulled his head up and gave him a kiss. It was short and reassuring. He put his head back on my chest and continued his sobbing. I sat there and held him.

**Tears are spent on your last pretense  
>And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense.<br>**

The last of his tears fell and he finally looked up at me with bloodshot eyes. I kissed his forehead. I would have asked him if he wanted go to bed, but I knew his answer. His mind wouldn't shut off to let him fall asleep. I had to distract him so that he would finally give into his exhaustion.

**If your heart wears thin I will hold you up  
>And I will hide you when it gets too much<br>I'll be right beside you  
>Nobody will break you<br>If your heart wears thin I will hold you up  
>And I will hide you when it gets too much<br>I'll be right beside you**

"Derek, do you think that JJ will still stay in touch?" he asked.

"Of course she will. JJ loves you like the little brother she never had. Not to mention, Henry wouldn't take to kindly to never seeing his favorite God Father again. The kid adores you," I told him, trying to quiet his fears. A small smile graced his beautiful face.

"Derek no matter what happens I'll always be here. I won't leave you either. You always reassure me that you aren't going to leave me, and that you won't let me go. Well I want to make sure you know that no matter how hard things get, I won't leave you either," Spencer promised.

My heart swelled that he said it. No matter how much pain he was feeling he made sure to comfort me as well.

"I know baby, but thank you for reminding me," I answered.

"I love you Derek," he proclaimed.

"I love you too Spencer", I replied. I held my Baby Boy in my arms and after a few minutes he was asleep. I silently made the promise that I would spend everyday of my life making sure that nothing could get him. No pain, emotional or physical was going to break him down. Nothing would break him while I was around.**  
><strong>

**Nobody will break you.**


End file.
